Life After.....

Eden and Dirk at the Father/Daughter  Dance in March 2012

Life After.......

I've had mixed reviews about my appearance on Oprah's show.  Most of my friends are concerned about T.D. Jakes and some are concerned about Oprah.  Let me expound on both, if you will allow me.  I had heard many things about Bishop T.D. Jakes from Dirk,  and primarily Dirk's big objection was of whether or not Bishop Jakes denies the Trinity and that he seems to be a  bit of a health/wealth/prosperity preacher.  I had no prior knowledge of Bishop Jakes other than a passing comment from Dirk now and again, rarely! 

As people are extremely vocal when it comes to anyone who regularly steps out into the public arena, I now know how some people are feeling as it pertains to Oprah Winfrey as well.  Seems that since she was "called" into the "mission field" of America, she has got a whole bunch of enemies out there.  I can't help but wonder why no one else sees what is obviously going on.  Oprah spoke to the audience and said that "I've lost a whole lot of money" (100,000,000) and "I'll only quit when God tells me to quit".  Both statements are painful statements.  I, for one, have benefited greatly from watching the Oprah shows and others that have come into fruition due to Oprah's influence.  It is what got me up off of the sofa in the first place, to try and be like one of the ladies on the Oprah show.  I know, ya'll are going....."OMG!  She is bringing it all up again!"  only, I HAVE TO BRING IT ;UP AS I, LITERALLY FOUND MY PURPOSE ON THE OPRAH SHOW WITH T.D. JAKES CALLED....... wait for it......... wait for it......... FINDING YOUR PURPOSE!    How could I possibly not love these people, T.D. Jakes and Oprah Winfrey, for helping me to get over a bunch of junk that was holding me back from being the vibrant, energetic, funny, spirited individual woman that I was intended to be.  I feel a lot better once it was explained to me that i could view all of the negative stuff in my past (start pulling an imaginary arrow back in your imaginary bow) and if you picture all of the ;negative stuff as the BACK ENERGY used in pulling your arrow back then once all of that pressure builds up...and you clearly  define where you want to go or what direction you wish to head then .......BOUNDLESS ENERGY WILL PROPELL THAT ARROW ANY DIRECTION YOU POINT THE BOW!   It literally felt as if all of the bad was worth it in one single moment!  It may seem easy to you, but, it took me 50 years to learn it in a single little show with 2 very astute and relative teachers, Oprah Winfrey and T.D. Jakes.   It all just happened to me and how in the world can I or anyone else not acknowledge that there must have been a "director" or "creator" involved because no body but God to make all of that happen in perfect sequence and bring it to a total resolution!  I was truly touched by this experience and I hope in hearing about it you may know that God cares as much for you - just give Him the opportunity to show you His glory!

My 15 Minutes of Fame were Extremely Fullfilling Minutes! :)

Im not sure any of you can imagine how blown my mind was on Friday when I got a personal phone call from a girl at Harpo Studios asking me if I was gonna be at the show on Monday (yesterday),  but, nothing has ever surprised me more.  So, I have to tell you how that minute came about.

I have become, sort of, a Phoenix, if you will.  Seriously, me!  Anyway, just about everything a person could do wrong with regard to health and wellness I have and it had taken me to the place of being on my rear end - on the sofa, eating and miserable about everything.   But, anyone who really  knows me -  knows that I have only had one purpose that I've taken very seriously and that is my children's happiness and well being.  I always wonder what kind of Mother my kids will say that they have had.  Any one of you ladies reading this, knows that motherhood is really the ultimate stage, right?!  You just can't really "exit" it when you'd like to.  You are on stage 24 hours a day and everything you do and say is recorded in the minds of those youngsters at your feet.  It has always been my purpose to be a better mother than I had, and I wanted to see if it could "even"  be done.  I felt like I had enough examples of good mothers around me in society that I could simply " keep" what I felt like was valuable and "throw out"  the stuff that I was being shown at home, which, at times, I didn't think were valuable or keepable.  I'm definitely proof that holding on to and harboring those seriously negative feelings inside of yourself can kill you if you let it take hold.   I tried to medicate that pain and, of course, that made me a "horrible" mother!  So, I had to conquer that one and have.    Anyway, all of that to say, my kids have seen a huge change on many levels in my life that they simply can't believe!  Neither can I!   Along the way, though, I learned a ton about mothering......and how important it is to have supportive people to help raise your little ones.  After all, you aren't ALWAYS doing GREAT!  We women need to compare notes on this stuff at my age and write it all down.  I intend to......

One day I tried to make it to a small bible study group and got lost on my motorcycle and came home, embarrassed.  The next day the hostess got on Facebook and offered up a free bread machine.  Long story short, I agreed to pick up the bread machine in the rain in a parking lot at 7:30 a.m. one morning and I found myself in a group of women and they wanted me to sit down and tell them who I was.  Seriously, you have to picture me here........ I'd recently broken my foot - 3 day old hair - no makeup and had just fought with JD about something on the way to school so I wasn't in any mood to meet anyone!  I found that God doesn't care about how we look!  So, I'm just saying.  Any women out there - put your makeup on before you leave the house!  Anyway - this group of women was a foundational group of women building a charity.  It's called Women's Impact Networking - Embracing Your Dreams.  The charity is about women helping out other women in need.  Basically, on a foundational level - motherhood.  We all didn't come from great upbringings but that doesn't mean that we can't be fantastic mothers!  I'm a good mom now .... and I'll never regret the pathway that led me inside of the Oprah world yesterday, but I seriously FOUND MY PURPOSE!  I will be writing a book about giving Tribal Knowledge to young mothers about motherhood.  God called me to that show yesterday to help "encourage" a young mother who has found herself in what she felt was an impossible situation yesterday.  I can shout from the rooftops that it's not impossible for her to become the greatest mother who ever lived!  She wants it - you'll have to see the show.  It's on April 9th.  

Come to find out ....yesterday, upon arriving and seeing 6,000 other women ....all in the same boat .....(I thought) as me......... I arrived later than I wanted to and there was an ocean of women in line that stretched like, around the SAVIS Center and they were ALL getting to this HUGE auditorium and ALL thinking that they would be the one to get to talk to Oprah!  I didn't believe it was actually gonna happen and then, my friend, Gloria (from the women's group) came up to me and asked me to come with her and she passed me on to a lady with a huge contraption on her head - microphone and she had a guy with a camera following her  - and as I followed, I see signs on chairs (UP FRONT) with MY name and Dirk's  on them.    Then, I think, a show producer, came and asked me if I thought that I could really talk easily on "air" and once that poor women got my entire answer which covered the better highlights of my life :)  OMG!  Can't even begin to tell you how fast my heart was pounding!  Now I need to stop in this moment and tell everyone....... Dirk didn't take me seriously when I told him I was gonna get on the Oprah show.   His face was the color of EGGSHELL and he looked shocked pretty much the entire 2 hours we were there!  I am so freaking happy that it actually DID happen because Dirk won't doubt me next time :)  hahahahaha!  So, the lady next to me says "when Oprah winks and come toward you, that is what she is gonna ask you about...... "  I was like, "can you tell me what her question will be?", and she said, "No, it's OPRAH WINFREY and she does what she wants to do!" laughing  hahahahaha!  and THAT, I found, she DOES!  She was talking to this mother and the room was pretty much, gonna jump on or begin to attack physically (!) this mother who was sitting in front of me by a couple of rows.......  They had done a back story on this woman, Keesha and her son, Isaiah who was about 8, I think.  Well, Keesha adopted Isaiah and she just couldn't "love" him.  She even mentioned that she had trouble "hugging" Isaiah so, at that point, Oprah, turns to the audience and she says something like, "I know what ya'll are thinking (yep, one of those moments :) and the whole audience erupts in emotion about just wanting Isaiah to get HUGGED for pete's sake, right?!  Anyway,  Oprah walks right up to me and holds my hand and  says something like, Do you have something or anything to say to her?    In that moment, the only thing I knew to do was ENCOURAGE this precious lady who just bared her soul to the GLOBE!  and, in that moment , try and help and explain that just because she didn't have a good mother, it didn't mean she had to be a bad mother.  I don't remember it all, it was very surreal - 

so the commercial break came and I was talking to Keesha (off air) and explaining to her that I would love it if she could put Isaiah onto her lap and swing up and back, and up and back with him - laughing and squealing - just experiencing any kind of thrill - be it big or small.  I have found that when you experience anything thrilling with a person it bonds you - magically!  I told her to ride roller coasters together and just "experience" life together and even with him on her lap for a while..... as I know, from watching nature.... that it works!  She may not have birthed Isaiah - but she can EVEN learn to feel him in her womb as his "mother" who cradles him!  She only needed to hear that sort of practical advice.  She only needed to hear that sort of "tribal knowledge" that one woman can pass on to another woman.  I found my purpose at that show, ya'll!  I can't even believe it!  It was so simple really.  To help young mothers to "mother" better, you can change the World, right?! 

I'd like to tell you that when Oprah took my hand, I felt warm and calm and powerful.   I had a peace within that I cannot explain.  I even kept myself from crying in that moment and everyone who knows me knows that just never happens!  I am blown away that this group of women that I met by chance, helped me to accomplish something I couldn't have ever done on my own.  

That is another enormous thing and message that I have from all of this.   Get involved in community service.  You cannot believe how it can change your life and in a huge way.  I've told people lately that it's been more like "tracking big foot tracks in the snow" stuff over here instead of "seeing faint footprints in the sand"!  Praise God and thank you Womens Impact Networking - Embracing Your Dreams!  ladies - you actually did get me on Oprah!  Wow!   

Bio for Women's Group Im in....

Bio for talk at Women's Impact Networking Meeting:

My name is Sarah(beth) Vander Zee and I am about to be 50 years old.  I am a wife and mother of two teenagers and have been married for 28 years to the same wonderful guy!  His name is Dirk, and he sells jet airplanes.  I only tell you that because it's important to know that we all enjoy flying above and beyond all other hobbies!  I met Dirk on a blind date and he, of course, took me flying!  He had me at "Hello"!  I was asked by Gloria to talk to you all today, and tell you a little about my journey of weight gain and weight loss.  Here ya go.... In 2000, I was busy being a wife, mother and active person when I went in for a minor little surgery to take care of a bothersome sports injury.  Subsquently, I contracted Anti-biotic Resistant Staph and nearly lost my life and my leg. I was in the hospital for about a month and in a wing completely alone while Dirk traveled and my mother kept my children's needs met.  Basically, I was alone in the fight for my life all except for God.  After 9 surgeries, I ended up with 4 inches of my Achielles tendon removed from my left ankle.  It is extremely painful to hurt this area - the Bible even speaks of how vulnerable a person becomes once wounded in the Achielles tendon.  So true!  I was really just sent home from the hospital to die.  But, I didn't!  I was put on so many medicines that one would be amazed my veins are still in tact.  The amount of pain medicine, muscle relaxers, anti-depressants, xanax like pills and sleeping aids are just a beginning to the life of sedation that took over my world.  Of course, I gained and gained weight.  I was having so much trouble just trying to figure out what to do or if I even thought I was WORTH all of the fight to just make it through the day.  I think that's the big one.  I wasn't raised with parents who "fawned" over my "self-esteem" to put it mildly.  And, when I was in this fight for my life, I certainly needed to believe I was worth the freaking fight!  ya know?!  That's where God came in.  He showed me in His word that I mattered to Him.    I learned the hard way that, we have to take care of our own self-esteem issues one day and it really can't be when you are ALONE and DOWN AND OUT to do it!  But since that was my situation, I did the best thing that I could do,  and that was stop the madness.  I knew that my body didn't even reflect who I was anymore on the outside and that was a HUGE problem every single time I looked into a mirror!  The loving, caring, happy, energetic, positive, playful woman that I am was lost inside of this MORBIDLY OBESE, sad, crying, mopey, dopey, self-centered, self-absorpted thing that I wanted to kill.  (and everyone else probably did too)  The only way I knew to kill that horrible thing on the couch in my basement was to PUT THE FORK DOWN! and take control one damned day at a time.  When the weight began to come off, it was like opening the door in the Springtime and letting the sun come on in - GIRLS!  I finally began to be grateful again for the opportunity to have a 'DO-OVER'!  I have lost 130 pounds and feel 20  years younger.  The less I weigh now the less medicine I have to take.  I went from something like 12 medicines to 3 now!  Praise God!  Seriously!  I found that if your "ship" is in rough waters, and things are flying off of the shelves all around you (emotionally) then do something to get into calmer waters...... CHANGE SOMETHING ..... one day at a time.... one thing at a time.... and you, too, can throw open the doors and windows and let the light and fresh air come on in, honey! As a result of losing the weight and gaining my self-esteem back, I became much more interested in other people.  I began to seek meetings of people so that I could get somehow plugged into the community around me.  As a matter of fact, I didn't vote for Mr. Obama but one thing that I gained from having him as our President is that he asked me to get into community service.  I found myself in a parking lot with it pouring rain all around me without any makeup on and i think I was even rocking 3 day old hair and a recently broken foot - trying to pick up a bread machine that a lady offered up on facebook.  From that one little, tiny commitment I ended up in a meeting of women that have the sole desire of helping young women who have pressing issues that they need help with.   It was a match made in Heaven (literally!) as I instantly connected with these amazing ladies!  They began to explain that this group of women is in the beginning stages of building a charity organization that simply mentors young ladies on all levels.  Of course I was interested in this group just so that I could help out women in need but, what also came from my joining this group is a feeling of being plugged into my community and also it has gotten the attention of my teenagers.  Not an easy feet, believe me!  To impress any teenager is hard these days as a 50 year old, but my children are just as proud as they can be to have their mom focusing on others in such a positive and meaningful way.   So, there you have it.  My story in a nutshell.  Only, I am and always will be a "nut" who has learned how to rock her "shell"! I'm just saying! I hope and pray that any of this incites you to act either on your own behalf or someone that you love.

Coach

Coach


Each year since his death, at the end of February, I begin to think about all of the things I learned from the greatest Coach a girl could have.  You see, his birthday was March 1st, and that is a very important detail for understanding this, extremely complex, man.   Dad was a deep thinker and a good poker player.   Anyone who knew my dad, soon realized why we called him Coach, as he was just very, very good at telling you the one little "thing" you could change in order to be more "effective" at whatever you were trying.   Be it baseball, or selling paper cups, if you listened to my dad most likely he would have helped you improve your "game".


I listened to every word that came out of his mouth.  Buck and I especially listened.  It was usually he or me who most likely held the responsibility for Coach's latest "anger management" issues :)  With Buck, Coach became the man who inspired the purchase of Mikey Jo, our bird dog, who became a world class pointer and retriever.  Coach helped my brother feed and nurture his love for nature as well as that dog.  I mean, literally.  We shared a deep feeling of responsibility to take care of our world and to try and leave nature a little "better" than we found it.   Certainly, under no circumstances, were we ever taught to walk away and leave trash or a burning fire.  Buck and my father fantasized about living in the wilderness depending only on themselves, needing nothing except bullets, arrows, fresh water, hooks, etc......   Buck and dad worked their way through the Eagle Scout qualifier book ONE PAGE AT A TIME!  Fortunately, I was often along beside them.  It was amazing, learning all about the basics such as fly fishing (my brother could tie the coolest flies you ever saw!) and fire starting.  I enjoyed encouraging Buck to tread water a little longer in order to swim a mile in fresh water without stopping...... Today, Buck would certainly be the Uber-Contestant in a show like Survivor,  FOR REAL!  Coach taught us about being "survivors" in our own lives.  


We often spoke about how amazing it is that God puts into some people a sort of "chip" that makes them  DETERMINED to see what is on the other side of a mountain in front of them....  other people... could live a lifetime and never even wonder what is over there.  A person like Buck?   He had that chip.... absolutely!  Even though Coach knew it would have been much "SAFER" for Buck to just forget about his mountain climbing.... my dad also knew that to force a "safe" lifestyle onto Buck wouldn't have worked at all.   I learned how to love my own children by watching my dad afford his son the freedom to make his own choices and go and see what was on the other side of that mountain.....


I learned, through watching Coach in his other relationships,  that true love is the kind that's found on a familial level.  Family, knows you and accepts you.  It includes you always and is consistent.  You can count on it and it helps you to become all that you can be.  It leads you upward always and never brings you down.  I really appreciate more now what he taught me about family and how important a role they play in a person's life.  My children have known that kind of love because of what Coach taught me.


I wish that my dad and I could have had a few more years to talk.  I know that Coach would have been very much a part of my life and my kids' lives had he not been called home.  I learned a lot about family from him.  I think, many times, that I'm the only one who was listening with respect to family and the role that it should play in a person's life.  Unfortunately, once Coach left us, the family that I thought I had, just exploded into nothingness.  It happens that way, some times.  I have taken the valuable lessons that Coach taught us and raised his grandchildren on them along side his wisdom, common sense, spirituality and generosity.  


Happy Birthday a little early this year, Coach!  I loved you so very much!


Sarah beth

Most Fun I've Ever had in a Police Station at Nite :)

Yep!  This is the police station at nite alright.... but, it was actually the locale for a very "foodie and upscale dinner party" better known as Entre Underground!  Wow!

Here is the menu that sat at each place setting:

 and here is my favorite of the courses, it was described by the "cookers" (Chef's amongst us shall not be named) as the Breakfast of the 1 percent-ers!  Loved that!  It was the foie gras, apple pain purdu which I found out on Valentines nite is foie gras (obviously) with french toast and topped with a perfect quail egg"  here is the picture that my date, the dignified, JD. Vander Zee...

 took... isn't that amazingness!

and while I'm at it may I just tell you folks that it is so awesome to go to one of these dinners..... just seek entre underground and you will, too, be seated along side a ton of people that you will probably never see again..... and you may scream out - in between courses in thundering applause - as JD and I and the other guests around us did!

Here is what the "candle" sees:

that is the jail cell right there in green... it was like Barney Fife himself, was gonna just go walking through the jail as we ate .... very cool vibe during this amazing experience!  It filled up completely - sold out many days in advance - so SEEK ST. LOUIS!  I'll see ya there - love you guys so much at ENTRE UNDERGROUND!  YOU are the "kings" of food over there big time - thank you!

from the mom of JD (who got new shoes for the dinner) :)

Most Fun I've Ever Had in a Guy's Basement!

Yes.... this is JD's room.... he has the only decent computer in the house..... of course.... anyway, I thought it would be funny if I made the above picture his screensaver..... how frightening is that?  I know, right?!  Me and those banging arms just taunting him when he powers up.... tee hee!

So, a friend-emy or however you spell that one (?) facebooked me the other day and she was like, "hey, my husband has started a rock band with his brother.... yadda...yadda.... and I need to tell as many people as I can that the band sort of needs an audience.... so, if you are AVAILABLE on FRIDAY NITE??? huh?  BACK UP.... REWIND!

Well, Friday nite comes, and I just know that when I tell my husband about what exactly it IS that I'm leaving the house in sleet to go do, he is just gonna .........(put your tounge as hard to the left cheek as possible and hold there) .......that would certainly be his face, which it was..... he was so, like., "that's fine, I'm just gonna hang out here  and just be home and comfortable tonight"...... wow!  That was pulling out the big guns on me, right there!  I was soooooo tempted to just bail on this friend and she would, obviously, have understood.  But, I found myself passing the HUMONGOUS GREEN BRIDGE to St. Charles the other nite and when I turned onto the street where this little shin dig was going down - GUYS!  THERE WERE LIKE 50 cars everywhere on all of the streets - seemed like I was arriving at the most popular party in all of West County!  Now, I was ready for some old time rock and roll!

Only, I had no idea what to expect out of a band comprised COMPLETELY out of ENGINEERS!  They all seemed very "engineery" when I saw them, I will say, that was utterly consistent.   And, by that I only mean that engineers have always been the SMART people at the table when I've hung with any.... it just seemed EXTREMELY inspirational to me that here were people who normally work in an office with bright lights and lots of numbers sort of thing, and, in their off time...... did you get that....?  In their off time, they were stretching each other to PERFORM in front of others because each of those band members told me that nite that inside every one of them was a BURNING DESIRE to PERFORM!  WOW!

So, the guy's (whose basement) I was in was apparently the Boss of some of the other band members and about a year ago they got together and began playing their teens "rock band" in the basement and from that..... they encouraged each other with "I'll buy a real instrument and learn how to play it, if you will" and, ........ did I mention they did 3 SETS that nite - I was front and center until the lead guitarist asked me to pick my glass off the little table........ and then he jumped up and did the best solo EVER!  Just cheeks a BLAZIN!  IT WAS SO INSPIRATIONAL FOR ME THAT NITE TO SEE THIS!

The 2 singers of the band were found on Craigs List.  I couldn't stop now, I had to know their back story and both of them shared weight loss - a lot of weight loss in common!  Each of them always thought they could carry a tune and drop it like it's hot.... so they just tried and now they are in a rock band..... that, OMGosh you have got to listen to this one...... I've never really been much of a Pink Floyd fan but only because every single young man I've ever known just shoves it at us girls.... so, of course..... it's like NO!  anyway, the ENGINEERS added A LASER SHOW while they were playing Dark Side of the Moon!  It was THE MOST FUN THAT I'VE EVER HAD IN A GUYS BASEMENT!   Hey!  If anyone needs an invite to this party, I happen to know a guy, who knows a girl...........!

Be inspired by those around you and be sure to know if this guy is in your neighborhood!  You'll know by all of the cars everywhere!

Chicken Soup that has cured Cancer Twice thus far...

No lie - this soup has cured cancer twice.....  it's my homemade chicken noodle.... a staple around this place..... perfect for colds, flu .... and, of course, cancer. :)  

I'll need, at least, a real good story for the recipe, though..... I'm just sayin! :)